Saving the Earth

I had a whole intro already written for Chicken from Tales from the Chicken Coop: A Day in the Life of Mrs. Chicken when I received her post.  Not wanting to give anything away about Mr. Bo Jangles, I scratched it.  A Best Coast transplant from Texas, there is no shortage of awesome here!  Seriously, read below and see if you can keep from laughing, I dare you.  On this day especially, laughter couldn't have been more needed! 

I must first start out this posting by saying that I am honored to guest for Hutch. I’m not really sure what she is up to this week, but I have my theory. 

As we all know Hutch is awesome. She oozes so much of the awesome gene that sometimes it gets to be too much for the small planet of Earth to handle. My theory is that she had to take a week off to balance out the natural order of things. By doing this, the Earth has avoided spontaneously combusting into a cloud of awesomeness.  She is a hero ladies, and gentleman. A hero.  

Admiringly, this is my first guest post. She popped my cherry. I am very unaware of the etiquette that these sorts of things are to follow. And with the recent passing of dear Emily Post I have no guidance to adhere. With that being said let’s hang on tight because this might be a bumpy ride. 

In honor of our hero (Hutch, remember?) I’ve decided to make a list of things that I find awesome. 

Without further ado….

5. Butler Monkey’s. I have one of my own. His name is Mr. Bo Jangles and he wears a tuxedo at all times. He has been my gracious tidy butler for several years now. I would highly recommend one of your own. But beware; they get insulted if you pay them in plain old bananas. I thought I’d save a buck or two and not get his usual plantains once. Let’s just say I was cleaning poo off of my walls and ceilings for weeks.

4. Mullets. Let’s face it we’ve all had one at one time or another. Whether it be by (sober) choice or by a very southern hairstylist who thought they were making you look trendy, but instead they made you look like a PBR drinking 12 year old boy. *ahem* Excuse me, for the outburst, I’m not bitter. Really, I’m not. 

3. Jazz hands. Sure every Tom, Dick, or Harry can do the peace sign in photos. Some average Joe’s might think they are tricking it up a little by sneaking in a little flip of the bird. But honestly, what says character like good old fashioned jazz hands? It’s like you’re telling a story about yourself by simply flaring out a few fingers!

2. Public flatulence. It’s the perfect way to get a little relief and embarrass another individual. Perfect scenario: In an elevator with two other people. You lay a silent but very deadly lurker. You twinge your nose and look at one of the two other people with a horrified facial expression. This will cause the 3rd person to also blame the other one. If you throw in a little gag you’re overselling it and your cover will be blown. Stick with the horrified stares and you’ll be safe.

1. Barney Stinson-Nuff said.