What constitutes normal?
A friend recently mentioned a single parent household as not being a normal, loving family and it got me thinking. My parents divorced right before my 3rd birthday. I have no memories of them together. To me a family meant living with mom and visiting my dad a few times a year to be spoiled and eat mini chocolate donuts. A couple years later my step-dad joined the family, and then came my brother. Compared to the kids I grew up with we weren't normal.
Sure, I have issues. I'm not good at dating, vulnerability, showing affection and the whole depending on someone else thing. All of which are deeply tied to my childhood and the fear of being let down, don't need a therapist to tell me that. Nor do I need to place blame. Only I can change me and I'm working on it.
I know I will forever be pushing back on the scar tissue covering the wounds from my "abnormal" upbringing, but never once did I doubt my parents love.
One has nothing to do with other.
24 comments:
Even people with "normal" families can have issues. What is normal? There isn't one..it's just situations and how a person deals with them. I'd say that a family like yours, who showed so much love to you even though they were divorced, is much better than a "normal" family of two married parents who ignore their child. My two cents at least.
I agree with Amanda. Staying together "for the kids" it worse than divorce. I wish my parents had done it sooner sometimes. I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that single/divorced parents are the new "normal".
Seriously, I think that is such an ignorant thing to think, let alone say. Plus, I know too many "normal" families who remained as a "normal" family unit even though it would have been better for everyone involved if they hadn't.
I don't know that there are any "normal" families. I grew up with both parents, but also grandparents in the house and assorted relations and friends staying for extended periods of time. So did most of my relatives. My friends? Not so much.
Now? The husband and I are among the VERY FEW families we know who haven't been divorced.
I totally agree. It's about love, not about who is in the house.
I had a "normal" family...parents stayed married, little brother, dog, etc. And I have the same exact issues you do. Being normal doesn't matter. Being loved matters.
Hear you me: everyone is crazy.
People who claim to be normal are the craziest of all.
You grew up in love, and that is half the battle. So many people don't.
And there is no normal.
My sister and I both grew up in a household with married parents (the same married parents) and we are complete opposites as far as realtionships, emotions, and things like that. I don't know if there is such a thing as a normal family these days. But yes I agree that love is important in any family.
Being NORMAL isn't NORMAL.
It's NORMAL to be different. :)
I think you're awesome and it sounds like you had a decent childhood?
I grew up with an older sis, younger bro, and my parents are still married.
But normal?? Not on your fucking life.
KLZ stole my comment. My husband's family doesn't know they're messed up. That truly is the worst kind of family. *shudder*
I fully believe there isn't a "normal" family out there. There's always some kind of issue. It's what we do about it later on in life that decide who and what we become!
if there's one thing that i've learned in my 24 years.. its that NO ONE is normal.. NO ONE.
There is no "normal" family any longer. If anything, the nuclear family is abnormal.
My parents have been married almost 32 years, which is an anomoly these days. And despite having loving, married parents, I too have issues with showing affection. So I don't know if it's necessarily tied to my family - I think some people are just not affectionate.
Yup, everyone is saying what I was thinking. What is normal? Who is normal? Everyone has issues tied to events in their childhood. Regardless of parents being together.
Hi, by the way.
True, but nowadays, what you described as your childhood is so common place. I think it's going to be one big generation needing therapy, and hopefully many of those will realize what you have: that it's the parental love that matters.
*nods sagely at all the comments*
Who can tell you what normal is - horses for courses
Normal is pretty hard to define these days, but abnormal doesn't always equal bad.
I agree! I think the security of knowing your parents love you is more "normal" than any other factor in a family.
Oh Hutch,
This is just really, really beautiful and that's all there is to it. I completely, wholeheartedly agree. Divorce is horrible for kids...but it's what you do after the divorce that makes all the difference. I have lots of daddy issues (which comes to light when you marry a younger version of your dad), but imagine how much worse the whole thing could have been if they had stayed together. It may have looked "normal" but I certainly would not have turned out as well as I did. I say if something is considered "normal", it is way more f'ed up than you can ever imagine. xoxo
What the #$%^% is normal anyways? Who gets to judge what "normal" is?
Besides, some put the "fun" in dysfunctional and while others put the "funk" in it as well! :)
I grew up with two parents who lived together with my 2 siblings and I and we are anything but normal. I have committment issues and can't show affection either...I think these things can come about whether or not you have both parents around!
I'm not sure that there is a "normal" either. But I also don't think it matters. I suppose I could say that I grew up in a normal household since both of my parents are still together but we had issues like anyone else.
This is beautiful though, Hutch. I'm glad you never had any doubt as to how your parents felt about you.
*HUGS*
psh your friend is full of nonsense. there is no normal, right way to be a family. love makes a family, not it's structure
Post a Comment