Every single (as in not in a relationship) lady out there needs a good Banter Buddy. He's the guy you can go to after your ego experiences a good bruising, or you just need need a pick-me-up. There are 3 key points to a solid Banter Buddy relationship.
1. The flirting is natural, not forced.
2. You don't have to worry about repercussions or either side feeling pressured to turn the banter in to more. Rarely are there cases where the line gets crossed, but to keep the Banter Buddy title, both parties need to understand the expectations, or lack of. If more becomes expected, you need to communicate or back away, realizing the status may change.
3. Respect. When either, or both, parties are dating/in a relationship, distance must be kept until the single status returns. If you can not instill distance, the flirting must be as non-existent as possible.
Keeping a solid Banter Buddy Rotation never hurts. At one point I had 4-5 guys across the country consisting of old friends, former co-workers, and guys I previously dated but we both knew it wouldn't work. The rotation allowed me to keep the relationships fresh without overusing one guy. However, my rotation has taken a serious hit over the last year. I suppose it's only natural as I can't expect these guys to put their lives on hold for my flirting needs.
After Sunday's "In a Relationship" Facebook announcement from my midwesterner, I'm now down to 1.5 Banter Buddies. The .5 poses a slight problem as he seems to want the title of Make-Out Buddy more than Banter Buddy. I'm still working this one out. I'm also debating if I need to recruit more or stick with the one I have for now.
Life's many questions...
Do you, or did you, keep a rotation of Banter Buddies going during your single days?
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16 comments:
I definitely did. I had three before I met J...though one turned into something...more? else? That was a bad idea.
They were always so great for an ego boost.
Ahhh I remember banter buddies fondly. It'd have at least 3...mostly guys who lived far away or id only see occasionally.
Well, since I am married I have a work boyfriend/husband or whatever you want to call it. We can talk to each other about anything, and obviously anything else is off limits, but it is nice to have a male to vent to. He is having issues with his wife so he vents to me about it and when I have issues I vent to him but that is as far as it goes. Sometimes you need someone like that in your life. There is also some slight flirtation but it is harmless. I know my hubs has several work wives.
When I was in my early 20s just out of college I had about 3 guys that I worked with that where sorta that. But then again, we did cross the line all 3 times. But nothing serious. But I think it's good to have a man that you can flirt with and have great sexual energy with. Can I say sexual? Especially when you are getting over another guy it's great to have something very light and fluffy that doesn't require any commitments but gives you the boost you need. Guys tick me off all the time. But they can put me in the best moods, too. Hopefully I'll be getting over my own broken heart soon and getting back in the saddle again. But have a few male banter buddies. It's all about practice -- so flirt away and enjoy!
I've never thought of it this way before but I totally have this! And it really is a great thing for a single gal. It seems that I generally only have one Banter Buddy at a time. Generally either I move or he enters a relationship or he starts annoying me. Note: the latter occurs the most. I annoy pretty easily.
I do like your idea, however, of having more than one. It would be good to have some spares on hand. I'm going to start working on that.
I had quite a few- always better friends with guys than girls. Though, that number slowly went down. I still have one, though. He's been in my life so long that he counts as my gay husband.
I had a few when I was single. Usually I liked them as more than a friend, but knew my limitations when it came to my heart. I'm actually still friends with most of these guys, but from a distance and they know that my husband is number one and some of them have wanted to meet the guy that won my heart forever!
I think I may have had a couple of these in the past. I was also involved in a semi love triangle in college (involving my boyfriend and best friend at the time who was a guy). I do not recommend that as it did not end up well. Now I don't really have any guy friends except for my friends' husbands/boyfriend (who I do not flirt with by the way).
Um, I have one now. And it's KLZ. Is that weird?
You know, I don't think I've ever had one. What the heck? I'm totally missing out.
I have one, and either one of us usually in a relationship at any given time. And he lives thousands of miles away so flirting only happens via text.
Yep...I had a few back in the day. The problem was they usually turned out to be Make Out Buddies. Oops.
I have banter buddies that have morphed into buddy-buddies. They are an absolute necessity when you are single but you must not hold it against them if they want to be a make out buddy. Guys are only so strong when it comes to your charm, you know ;-)
Kiran
huh never thought about this before. i don't think i've had a true banter buddy. i have had the fwb though, which (thank god) transitioned nicely back into just friends :)
Oh, I love this. And yes--I think it's extremely useful advice. Having a male around (whether for harmless flirting or just to gain the male perspective) is always fun and healthy, I think.
Unfortunately many of my banter buddies have since married, so while we see each other often, the dynamic has certainly changed over the years.
Now that I'm dating someone... yeah it's still hard for me to say it. lol I had a few banter buddies. I think you should recruit a few more!
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